I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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