You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
