Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
