6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
