We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ambien. No doubt about it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize