..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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