You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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