Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
