your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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