Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
