So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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