I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize