T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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