Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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