some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
