im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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