just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
