Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
