OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
