My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
