The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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