My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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