It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
