I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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