she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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