Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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