she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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