Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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