I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize