Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
