3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
