There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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