i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
