I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
