So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
