ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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