Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize