I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
These tits shall not be calmed
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
