You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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