just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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