She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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