I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
