just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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