dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize