You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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