Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
