Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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