One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
