I feel great
I just peed on a car
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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