dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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