Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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