my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
