I want you more than these girls want KFC
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
