I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize