allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
