Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
His nipple licking is glorious
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