My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
