the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
