Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
