Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
