hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
