After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
