yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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