tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
