Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
