I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
