so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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