U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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