i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
