It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dick very happy bro
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
