yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
