Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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