Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize