i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
