I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
