apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
