Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
