I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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