just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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