I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
