sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
