even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
