people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I want a musical about memes.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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