Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
