Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Are we still banned from the library?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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