You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
