I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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