I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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