I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
