i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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