I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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