Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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