I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
