I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
