Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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