Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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