my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
