I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
they're like a gay fantastic four
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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