if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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